Monday, May 21, 2012

Skepticism: the breach in trust, the breach in hope, the breach in life - my life - His life in me.

I sit down heavy at table, leaning over phone on speaker. Breathless. Trying to hope, but all skepticism.

I hate asking. It's a strong word, but not exaggeration when it comes to this. We need help. The deadline looms and almost $3,000 hasn't materialized. I trust people will give; I trust God knows where it is and will come from, but I expect very little from this call.

"Call me back in a week. Whatever you need then, I'll cover... plus some for spending money." 

Skepticism. Crushed.

I slap my hand across my face hard; slap the sobs back down my throat. They come anyway. I manage a broken thank you.

Skepticism. The breach in my trust, hope, and very life has itself been breached. By wonder. By sobs. By unexpected hope itself. By Him.

"You know you can go. You know you'll have enough; I'll make sure of that."

Inside I'm soaring. Across oceans, into the arms of children who just need love. Now I know for sure I'll be able to give it. Wish he was here, not just the speaker. Hope he knows how much it means. Tears fall soft now. Mouth corners quiver into joy; eye corners shining peace.

This breach brings a torrent of life... and a small reprimand. The skepticism breach is never worth it, but the breach of skepticism is worth everything.

The breach in doubt is Him.

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