Saturday, December 10, 2011

How Much Must I Trust You?

Trust. It's easier for some people than it is for others.

I am not one of those people.

I don't like making myself vulnerable to the world, and it has taken the few people I trust years to gain that trust. I have secrets. Secret fears, secret annoyances, secret dreams. Only God knows my secrets, and I am perfectly comfortable with leaving it that way. I live in two different worlds; one that demands to know all about me, and one that already does. In the former world I smile, I laugh, sometimes I even talk, but no one can ever tell what's going on inside my head. I the latter world my heart is flung open wide, and the secrets revealed, but only because I have no other choice. The Ruler of this world knows all.

I don't trust the world I see, at the very least I trust very little of it very little. But then again, how much do I trust the world where all is known?

"Trust me, Child," the Master urges.

"How much must I trust You?"

I cannot survive without trusting Him. When I do not I take my life into my own hands and sentence myself to death. In trusting I belong to Him who alone is life. But how much must I trust Him?
Must I trust Him for my whole life? Some days I do, but most days my heart faints to think so far into the future and I fail to trust.
Must I trust Him to help me finish school and make it to the mission field? Some days I have full confidence that His plan is perfect, but most days the impossible details required to accomplish that plan cloud my view and I fail to trust.
Must I trust Him to guide me as I make decisions for the summer months? Some days I wait in anticipation of adventure, whatever it might be, but today I sit frozen in fear that what I choose will not be His will, and I fail to trust.
Must I trust Him for tomorrow? Some days I look forward to the tasks He has given me for tomorrow and I make my list with excitement, but in this moment thinking of tomorrow's complications, struggles, and heartache makes me want to cry, and I fail to trust.
Must I trust Him for today? The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in Him" (Lamentations 3:22-24). Though it will be the hardest thing I have ever done, His grace is sufficient for today and I can cry out, "Lord, help me trust You for today!" Tomorrow will have it's own struggles, as will this summer, and the end of school, and the mission field, and the day upon which I breathe my last breath.

Must I trust Him for today? Yes, but only for today.

1 comment:

  1. This truly hit the spot, dear. Thank you for sharing!