Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Joyously Heavy

It was a joyously heavy feeling... if that is even remotely possible. I find it impossible to describe it any other way; that is exactly how I felt. Joy spilled out of me because of the weight in my heart, and on my mind. I had been blessed with responsibility, trust, and the task of another year of highschool.

Upon my return from Africa I expected a laid back few weeks, sprinkled here and there by speechwriting, tutoring, dance classes, and college applications. It seemed to me I would be occupied enough without adding anything else into my schedule for at least four or five weeks. Surprise, surprise when my Mom informs me (less than an hour after arriving home) that I'll be doing a full load of schoolwork this year, including Advanced Math, Latin, Shakespeare, American History, Chemistry Lab, Philosophy, and Logic. As you've probably just experienced reading that list of subjects that was where the heavy part of the "joyously heavy feeling" began.

My Mom explained that she felt the Lord wanted me to participate in this rigorous course of study in preparation for college next year, even though I had more than enough highschool credits to graduate last spring. She reminded me that in our family we learn in order to bring glory to our Saviour, not just to be able to say we "did it." I really love to learn, and school always brings me a great deal of happiness after the overwhelmed sensation begins to wear off, so as I listened to her enthusiasm over the upcoming school year the joyous part of the "joyously heavy feeling" began to overcome the heaviness.

As I have begun my first week of assignments over the past few days, while still juggling dance classes, speech writing, tutoring, and college applications, the heaviness is still present, but it seems to be decreasing as the joy mounts (and as I get used to my new schedule). I find that I assumed this year would be a relatively easy one for me, but the Lord is teaching me that we never really ought to take a break from doing hard things, but we should press on to doing harder and harder things as we grow in Him with each passing year.

It began as a joyously heavy feeling where the heaviness far outweighed the joy. Now it has become a joyously heavy feeling where the joy has almost consumed the heaviness. I cannot wait to wake up in the morning, follow my schedule, and spend all day doing hard things for the glory of my Saviour.

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