Wednesday, December 2, 2009

O That I Might Love Him More!

Am I unfailingly in love with Jesus Christ?

Do I desire Him above all else? Is His name on my mind day and night, night and day? Do I look forward to, and anticipate my time with Him each day? Do I treasure His company above that of anyone else? Do I seek to please Him in all I do? Do I grieve inexorably when I fail to please Him?

If I consider everything he has done for me I should be able to answer with a resounding yes to each and every one of these questions. But in truth, I cannot. He has done so much for me, and yet I cannot say that I am unfailingly in love with my Lord.

My name brought Him low enough to become a fetus in the womb of a teenage girl. My name caused Him to be born in a stable, a manger only for His cradle. My name caused Him to be tempted in the wilderness, so that he might know all the temptation I have, or ever will, know. My name caused His own people to hate Him and revile Him. My name brought about His arrest. My name was on His mind as He suffered humiliation and torture.

My name was His first thought as he struggled under the weight of the cross on His way to Calvary. My name kept Him from crying out as nails were driven through His hands and His feet. As the cross was raised, and every joint wrenched out of place, He thought of me. As the Father forsook Him, He cried out, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" But He knew why, I was why He had just been forsaken. With His last breath my name was on His lips. My name put Him in the grave for three days. For my name He kept His promise and rose on the third day defying death and sin!

With my name in His mind, on His lips, and forever graven on His heart, He endured all these things! Yet still I cannot claim to be unfailingly in love with Him! I cannot remember to speak His name when I rise and when I lie down at night. Let alone keep it there through the many hours in between! O wretched, ungrateful girl that I am! Why can I not love Him as I ought, as I desire to?

May I only remember all he did for my name whenever I think of myself, and I may, in time, grow to truly love Him. Each day may I grow more in love with Him. Each day may I keep His name on my mind and my lips one moment longer. May I devote one more thought, one more word, or one more action, to Him each day. May the desire to love furrow deeper into my heart. May the remembrance of what He has endured for my name etch a wound of love so deep into my tender heart that the scar is visible to all! May the consequences of this great love show themselves in my words, in my actions, and on my very face!

Am I unfailingly in love with Jesus Christ?

No, I am not. At this hour, at this moment I would say I hardly love Him at all. The little that I do love Him is only the result of His own great mercy. But though I see such a tragic shortcoming, such a failure to love, the Gracious Lord sees a being overflowing with love for Him. He sees what I will one day be, when my heart will be filled with genuine love, when my soul will desire nothing but Him. In His presence all else will fade, and His glory will fill my soul with the unfailing love I will never possess in this life. I surrender my life to Your plan, my will to Your love. Make me what you will, love me with Your unfailing love, keep my name forever graven on Your heart, and slowly teach me to love as well.

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