My Daddy Sings Faith

... My fear grips my faith, and I am left unmoved...

It dances, lurches like a joker from Hell, through my head. My heart.

It's times like these when I feel suffocated, drowning. Fear like water fills lungs.

When those I respect question His call, His will. And then I question too.

I question too.

Faith that was so sure a moment before finds itself in the boa constrictor vise of fear. When will the demons of fear finally lose the keys to me? When will they tremble at the mustard seed faith in me? Why do they howl the laughter of victory when they have no victory over the Victorious One in me?

When will the doubts and valid questions of the respected be expected, prepared for, faced with faith and not with fear?

I close the doubting email. Breathe deep. Think well of the one who sent it. Give thanks for their concern. Go to something else for a bit.

Winter sales fill my web browser, but all I can think is: why does their doubt make me doubt? I've heard it before - the doubt, skepticism, judgement. And I've let it roll off before. Replied to those emails and questions in quiet faith and settled back into sure knowing Arms.

Time to do it again. Breathe deep and breathe prayers for humble spirits, listening ears, and hearts giving thanks.

I hit reply and ask for His words because I have none.

And I remember what comes after fear gripping faith in the song. A Father who sings over His children, over me.

And I can hear Him singing, and it's drowning out the doubting voices, and isn't this the Voice we always need playing in our heads, our hearts?

And the Singing One gives the words. Humble words from His heart in my heart, and His assurance of what He's called me to.

I read the reply three times. Breathe deep, breathe prayer, and hit send. And it comes, that line from the chorus.

... Let us see through Your eyes that we are Your greatest prize...

And I breathe yes. Not to puff us up, but to bring us low, to bring in us in, to the sure, knowing Arms. To bring us to the place of singing where even faith like mustard seeds overcome mountains of doubt.

Because He never stops singing over His children. Over us.

The Only Constant Companion

I'm going about my normal life, homework, ministry, meals, and conversations. And suddenly she comes to mind. Or he. Whoever it is today.

My goodness, I haven't heard from her in months! Maybe I should shoot her an email or text message and see how she's doing.

So I do, or I forget. But it's still a few weeks before I hear from her.

We used to talk every week. Three or four times a week. What happened? 

-We got busy.
-She has a boyfriend now.
-She got married.
-We weren't meant to be friends forever.

I know all the common answers to that question, and the applicable ones run through my head. But is this really the way our lives were meant to be?

Once best friends, now only in touch from month to month, or summer to summer?

It hurts. Maybe more for me than others. I try to convince myself that it's because I loved (and still do love) them so much. I like to know, though, that I held a place of influence in their lives, that they valued my conversation, relished my friendship. When we suddenly drift apart I wonder, was that ever true?

I'm sure you can relate. It hurts to lose friends. Well, not lose them. That's a bit dramatic. But to grow apart from them, to see your lives turning in different directions. But is it purely selfish to feel this way? I want to know, is there any pure motivation to my hurt?

I don't know.

I only know that there is but one thing to soothe this and all other wounds. 

Christ.

Though our close friends may only walk this path of life with us for a short while, Christ is ever present, always near. Each of us has a separate path that God has set for us to follow, and at times our paths converge in very intimate ways, but only Christ can actually set foot upon each road and take the journey with us, His hand grasping ours. This is my consolation when friends come and go... when I come and go.  

Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. 

He is near, and will always be near. He will always hold the highest place of influence in my life, for He bought my life. I thank Him for using me to encourage or challenge others in turn, but I realize that whatever role of influence I had in their journey was really His.

The same is true of them. I may miss their words of grace, their smiles of love, their ability to make me laugh when I really felt like crying. They were simply a conduit of God's grace in my life; everything good I received from them was a gift of the Almighty Heavenly Father, and the Friend who sticks even closer than a brother. 

Friend-growing-farther-away, I know you're busy. Don't feel obligated to return my calls or reply to my emails, I don't feel obligated to respond to yours. Thank you for being a willing vessel of Divine Grace. I pray God's blessing over the rest of your unique journey, and I look forward to seeing you at our final destination. I'm sure we'll have a lot of catching up to do.

Oh, For a Thousand Tongues

In roughly a month my college choir will be singing an arrangement of Oh, For a Thousand Tongues as part of our commencement celebrations. I was reminded today in rehearsal that this poem by Charles Wesley actually has eighteen (18) stanzas and the first of those does not begin with "Oh, for a thousand tongues to sing..." Why did Wesley desire 1,000 tongues to sing his great Redeemer's praise? The poem, like most well written poems, is not complete without all the stanzas in their proper order. Though it is slightly lengthy I include all the verses here. As you read them remember the state you were once in before knowing Christ, and marvel at all that He has done for us. Wesley himself thought that this would be a very fitting poem to commemorate the anniversary of one's salvation.

1. Glory to God, and praise and love
Be ever, ever given;
By Saints below, and Saints above,
The church in earth and Heaven.

2. On this glad day the glorious Sun
Of Righteousness arose;
On my benighted soul He shone
And fill’d it with repose.

3. Sudden expired the legal strife;
’Twas then I ceased to grieve;
My second, real, living life
I then began to live.

4. Then with my heart I first believed,
Believed with faith Divine,
Power with the Holy Ghost received
To call the Saviour mine.

5. I felt my Lord’s atoning blood
Close to my soul applied;
Me, me He loved—the Son of God,
For me, for me, He died!

6. I found, and own’d His promise true,
Ascertain’d of my part,
My pardon pass’d in heaven I knew,
When written on my heart.

7. O for a thousand tongues to sing
My dear Redeemer’s praise!
The glories of my God and King,
The triumphs of His grace.

8. My gracious Master, and my God,
Assist me to proclaim,
To spread through all the earth abroad
The honors of Thy name.

9. Jesus, the name that charms our fears,
That bids our sorrows cease;
‘Tis music in the sinner’s ears,
‘Tis life, and health, and peace!

10. He breaks the power of cancell’d sin,
He sets the prisoner free;
His blood can make the foulest clean,
His blood avail’d for me.

11. He speaks; and, listening to His voice,
New life the dead receive,
The mournful, broken hearts rejoice,
The humble poor believe.

12. Hear Him, ye deaf; His praise, ye dumb,
Your loosen’d tongues employ;
Ye blind, behold your Saviour come;
And leap, ye lame, for joy.

13. Look unto Him, ye nations; own
Your God, ye fallen race!
Look, and be saved through faith alone;
Be justified by grace!

14. See all your sins on Jesus laid;
The Lamb of God was slain,
His soul was once an offering made
For every soul of man.

15. Harlots, and publicans, and thieves
In holy triumph join;
Saved is the sinner that believes
From crimes as great as mine.

16. Murderers, and all ye hellish crew,
Ye sons of lust and pride,
Believe the Saviour died for you;
For me the Saviour died.

17. Awake from guilty nature’s sleep,
And Christ shall give you light,
Cast all your sins into the deep,
And wash the Ethiop white.

18. With me, your chief, you then shall know,
Shall feel your sins forgiven;
Anticipate your heaven below,
And own that love is heaven.

Hosanna!

"Hosanna!" they cried. "Hosanna to the son of David! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD! Hosanna in the highest! Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father David! Hosanna!"

Today we remember the triumphant entry of Jesus Christ into the city of Jerusalem one week before He would be handed over to evil men to be crucified. The people cried hosannas as He rode in on the foal of a donkey, and they cast their coats and palm branches onto the road for the foal to walk on. But as they cried hosannas, they did not understand what they were saying. They spoke in the passions of their darkened minds, just as our culture so often does. We use words without understanding the gravity of their meaning, and this cry of hosanna was just such a word for those who welcomed Christ into Jerusalem.

Hosanna is most often used as a declaration of praise and adoration, but it has a much deeper meaning, and in this case, a rather ironic meaning. Hosanna is an abbreviation of the Hebrew phrase hosi a-nna, meaning "save, we pray." We see it used in passages such as Psalm 118:25: "Save us, we pray, O LORD!"

The throngs that welcomed Christ into Jerusalem were not simply chanting His praises, they were crying out for salvation. Would He deliver them? We know that He granted their plea, but not in the manner they expected. He did not rise up and take His rightful place on the palace throne, nor did He seek to overthrow the Roman stronghold in Israel. No, He rode into Jerusalem on a lowly donkey to challenge a far greater enemy. Five days later He would breathe His last upon a criminal's cross, and in three days He would rise from the grave triumphant, not over men, but over sin and death and Satan. Hosanna, we cry today, and may it not be in vain, for He has provided the promised salvation!

O Thou My Heart

O thou my heart, why dost thou yearn

for wealth and treasure of temporal earth?

O thou my heart, you know thy Lord

to thee all heavenly treasure hath restored.

All I'm holding dear, may I count it loss;

all this heart revere be Your righteousness!

O thou my heart, look to His face,

the cross of Christ alone to embrace.

O thou my heart, the wealth of earth

can ne'er compare to second birth.

Chosen before creation time

to be transformed into His child.

All of heaven's gold thine inheritance;

Holy Spirit seal of His righteousness.

O thou my heart, be thou content.

To Him all praise and glory be giv'n.

O thou my heart, with crimson bought,

His body torn upon the cross.

O thou my heart, He bled for you

all earthly dross to remove.

Then He rose again, victorious;

in the light of life, the Holy One!

O thou my heart, His sacrifice

allows thee to become His bride.

O thou my heart, fall to thy knees

before the holy King of Kings.

If in His suff'ring thou wilt share

for thee a throne He shall prepare.

Daily die to self and live to Christ;

flesh and sin despise, raise His vict'ry high.

O thou my heart, cling to this truth:

good work begun He'll complete in you.

O thou my heart, in glory standest

thou before the Risen Lamb.

Crown of heaven grace thy brow,

good work complete in glory now.

Glorious legacy of His faithfulness

in the lives of those whom He purchased.

O thou my heart, now rest in peace

beneath the shadow of His wings.

By Elsie Anne

Be Still, My Soul!

Be still, my soul! The Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide.

In every change He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul! Thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul! Thy God will undertake

To guide the future as He has the past.

Thy hope; thy confidence, let nothing shake,

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul! The waves and winds still know

The Voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul! Though dearest friends depart.

And all is darkened in the vale of tears.

The shalt thou better know His love, His heart,

Who comes to sooth thy sorrow and thy fears.

Be still, my soul! Thy Jesus can repay

From His own fulness, all He takes away.

Be still, my soul! The hour is hastening on

When we shall be forever with the Lord.

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone.

Sorrow's forgot, love purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul! When change and tears are past

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

What Do You See, Lord?

12 - 12 - 2011 Today's date.

I was required to write it for two final exams today, and it shocked me. They say time flies when you're having fun. I think time just flies no matter what you're doing, but what should that tell us? My life is passing me by; the days are a whirlwind around me, and though I am what most would call a "young 'un" I don't know how much longer I'll be here. The frailty of my life is an ever present reality.

One of my final assignments for this, my first semester of college was to record the significant events of my life to this point, in order to observe how the Lord has been orchestrating those events to sovereignly accomplish His purposes. I'll be honest; it was a challenging, and at times aggravating assignment. I am an individual who appreciates order, rejoices in lists and planning, and contentedly sighs when stories end "happily ever after." Contrary to what I would wish, my story doesn't fit in a compact package tied with ribbon. No, it looks more like a trash bag bursting at the seams, and for the most part I'm at a loss to make sense of what God is doing.

What was the purpose of the close friendships that have been cut off, ended without explanation and without a goodbye? What was the purpose of over ten years of focused training in one skill when it appears that I will never use that skill again? What will the outcome of family tension, brokenness, and harboured resentment be? Will these things ever be resolved? Will they ever find their place in the story, a place that makes sense?

I have to trust that they will. I wonder if the great heroes of the faith ever felt as I do about their stories. Yet now countless authors clamour to retell their inspiring tales that seem to come together so perfectly. Will my story ever look anything like that? Maybe, but maybe not; at least not to us. God sees what we can't. He sees the impact that those abruptly shortened friendships had. He sees the purpose of rigorous training to learn discipline, passion, and patience. He sees how He is molding each member of His family through trials and triumphs that don't seem to make sense. He sees people, not events.

How much of my life have I yet to live? Perhaps most of it, and then again, perhaps most of it has already passed. Whatever the events of the rest of my life, they will find their place. God sees the friendships even closer than those past that will come to expected or unexpected ends, and He sees the character they will build and the beauty that will grow from them. He sees the training in righteousness that is not dependent on training in human skill, but uses worldly training as a platform for lessons of a spiritual nature. He sees frustrations, sorrows, and joys that may all happen on the same day and in the same place, but will come together to form a people set apart for His glory. He sees the events of my life building people, not me progressing through a series of events.

Time is flying by. Lord, give me your eyes to see the beauty of the people you are molding, shaping, sanctifying, and saving. The packages may not be complete, and the ribbon will be tied when their last breath is taken, but the pieces are coming together to make something beautiful.

To Know You Are Loved

I struggle with a desire, a desire to know that I am loved, admired, accepted, a sought after companion. The human heart gasps for signs of these affections. Affirmation; to know you possess desirable qualities. This desire reveals a dark corner of my heart, a crevice that I have not yet allowed my Saviour to fill. He can satisfy my craving. He calls me His beloved, and asserts that His desire is for me (Song of Solomon 7:10). Why do I still crave? I know that even when the longed-after affirmation is provided by others that it does not fill the deep void. I hear praise, yet do not appreciate it. I drink in words of admiration, yet am never satisfied. Why do I still crave? When all I long for is within my reach, why do I sigh with discontent?

Mend my shattered heart. Speak truth into my disillusionment. Love what is hopelessly flawed. Breathe life into broken death. Fill what can only be filled by You. Silence devil's lies. Purify. Refine. Renew. Satisfy.

Awful Beauty

Justice and mercy, love and wrath, righteousness and grace. Our God is defined by many characteristics that sometimes don't seem to fit together. Within them we see the awful beauty of God displayed. Circumstances in our lives remind us that we are small, finite beings who can never understand the workings of an infinite God. This past week hundreds have been killed, or gone missing because of devastating tornadoes in the midwest. We see the power of a God who rules the mighty forces of His creation, but beyond that will we be able to see the beauty of a God who is completely in control? I can see that beauty, but at times it is an awful beauty.

This morning in church that beauty hit me full force; it hit closer to home. A young man whom I serve with on the student leadership team just lost his father yesterday. He is only sixteen. We can ask why until we are blue in the face, and still never understand. All we can hope is that God will give us the grace necessary to see His beauty even as He displays His awful power and control over our lives. When things like death and natural disasters happen, the Lord does not seek to push us away from Him, rather He desires us to cling ever closer to Him in the midst of tragedy. Will we see only His terrible power, and shrink from His touch, or will we see an awful beauty, and draw close to seek out the eye of the storm?

The Universal Call to Mission

Among my heroes are many missionaries; the Apostle Paul, Adoniram Judson, David Livingstone, Gladys Alyward, Amy Carmichael, and Jim Elliot. These men and women of faith sacrificed their comfort and pleasure in the pursuit of lost souls. Some even sacrificed their very lives. I admire them and seek to emulate their Christ-like character, nevertheless, this entry is not meant to be a means of applauding those who have given all to seek God's glory in mission, but rather it is meant to be an exploration of the one vocation that can fully employ our potential for the Kingdom of God.

For years missionaries seemed to me to belong to a supernatural realm. Lower than the angels, and yet far above the average human being. If Christian believers were the children of God, then surely that breed called missionaries must be the favourite children of the Father. I devoured missionary biographies in grade school, feasting on the miraculous stories of Taylor and Carmichael, gripped by the tragedy of Carey and Elliot. I was enamoured, but I was not inspired. I enjoyed their stories, and through them my faith grew, but I never aspired to attain their position in the supposed hierarchy of God's children. Never was it assumed that I could choose to take on such a task, such a level of spiritual superiority. Then I was called.

The unbelievable happened. The Lord clearly called me to serve him in the capacity of a missionary. I had been called to join the ranks of the larger-than-life individuals whose stories I had consumed as a child. Nevertheless, while I accepted the call I was still of the mindset that it was only through divine appointment that one might be included in the group of saints wearing the missionary badge of honour. I was blessed, and blown away, to be considered worthy to join them on mission for the whole of my life. Over the past several weeks, though, I have come to realize that I, and they, are not nearly as special as I had made us out to be.

Eight weeks ago I began taking a missions class with my Mom. Being "called" as I was, I was looking forward to what I would read and learn, but I was not near ready for the things the Lord wold begin to reveal to me. This week, we were assigned an article by Samuel Zwemer that laid out a challenge to continue what former missionaries have begun, and to reach those with the Gospel who have never before heard. Toward the middle of the article I read the following, and a whole new world was instantly opened to me.

Is there a more heroic test for the powers of manhood than pioneer work in the mission field? Here is opportunity for those who at home may never find elbow-room for their latent capacities, who may never find adequate scope elsewhere for all the powers of their minds and their souls. There are hundreds of Christian college men who expect to spend life in practicing law or in some trade for a livelihood, yet who have strength and talent enough to enter these unoccupied [mission] fields. There are young doctors who might gather around them in some new mission station thousands of those who "suffer the horrors of heathenism and Islam," and lift their burden of pain, but who now confine their efforts to some "pent-up Utica" where the healing art is subject to the law of competition and is measured too often merely in terms of a cash-book and ledger. They are making a living; they might be making a life.

Zwemer uses the example of young doctors, but any example could be used. Put your occupation, or potential occupation, into his example. Perhaps you are a computer programmer, a journalist, or an architect. Perhaps you are an aspiring engineer, singer, or nurse. Are you using the gifts and talents God has given you to simply make a living, or will you surrender your talents to Him and allow Him to help you make a life? The missionary call is not for a select few who have proven themselves of a higher spiritual substance than the rest of God's children. For followers of Jesus Christ the missionary call is a universal call. When Christ said to his followers, "Go, and make disciples of all nations," he did not include any limitations. No qualifier was used to supplement his command, He simply said to go, and he would be with us.

Bishop Phillips Brooks said,

Do not pray for easy lives; pray to be stronger men (and women). Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers; pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be a miracle.

God has given us a task, the task of evangelizing the world in preparation for His return. The glory of our God is at stake! Will we rob Him of glory by making a living? Or with His righteous right hand upholding us will we follow him to the ends of the earth in order to make a life? The task has been set forth, the command given, the call extended to every true follower of Christ. The choice is yours: selfless obedience, or selfish disobedience.

Lord, my prayer is that all who have been called by your name and included in your household of faith will respond in faithful obedience to this call. May we all employ the talents you have blessed us with in the making of a life, a life that brings you ultimate glory. We are called to be set apart from a world whose foremost task is the making of a living, the making of themselves. May your kingdom come with rapidity as we put aside ourselves in reckless pursuit of you. Amen.

I hope to expound on this idea in the future, as I continue my prayer and research. May it be shown that only in mission can our God-given potential be full realized.

To Be Lost In the Love of My Lord

Hey Everyone!

My very dear friend Miss Rebeka, over at Redefining Femininity has written an excellent blog post that really spoke to my heart this morning. I encourage you to go enjoy it for yourself.

To Be Lost In the Love of My Lord

God bless!

-Elsie

The Beauty of Confusion

Life speeds by us. It doesn't wait for us to catch up, it doesn't care if we are covered in the dust it kicks up as it passes us by. We are whirlwinds of thoughts and emotions living in a whirlwind of activity. To many the purpose of our lives in this whirlwind is a mystery, and I must admit that sometimes I too get carried away by it. Decisions hang ominously over us, waiting for us to choose the path to our destiny. The smallest, most insignificant things combine to form a kaleidoscope of chaos that overwhelms our feeble hearts. Confusion characterizes many of our lives, the driving force behind what we do, or the reason we do nothing. Which will it be? Will you discover beauty in the chaos, joy in difficult decision making, and peace as you wait until the dust clears to take your next step, or will you allow it to pull you into the bleakness that many call "life"?

There is an eye in every storm. The center of the confusion where peace resides. Being there doesn't mean that a storm doesn't rage, it just means that we have found the place where confusion becomes beauty. From this vantage point we see the beauty and wonder of the hail because we aren't dodging golf-sized ice balls that threaten to knock us out. Here we can marvel at the might of the winds because there is no fear of being driven before them with no control of our own. The eye of the storm is where the horror of the cross becomes the glory of redemption, and where the whirlwind we call life becomes the life Jesus called abundant.

He is our eye of the storm, our beauty in the midst of confusion, our peace when chaos threatens to consume us. If no storm raged around us there would be no place of contrasting beauty, there would be no need for a haven of rest. The confusion in our lives makes Christ more glorious, for we can only appreciate His beauty when the whirlwind offers nothing to compare with it. Will we strive with our whole being to remain in the eye of the storm, following wherever it carries us? Or will we wilt in the dizzying whirlwind, and succumb to the awful power of the wind?

It isn't easy to remain in the eye of the storm. The whirlwind is constantly moving, the winds battering, waves crashing, clouds scuttling across the skies. We cannot make our home based on where the eye then resides, we must make our home in the eye itself. We move when it moves, we go where it goes. If we hold on to a location, or cling to an occupation, the eye of the storm will move on, and winds will hit us full force. Open your hands, let the eye of the storm carry you.

It is beautiful and awful, peaceful and powerful, gloriously blinding, and abundantly satisfying. The eye of the storm. The beauty of confusion. The only point in the whirlwind of life that won't spin you to oblivion. Find it in the cross, and never leave its shadow.

I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. -John 10:10

My Father's Eyes

There is a hope behind your eyes,

It takes my breath away.

And in this world filled with lies

It speaks of a glorious day.

Draw me in, into You,

Drown me in eyes of hope.

They burn with deepest, darkest blue,

Someday I'll never grope

For words, for love, for satisfaction,

Those eyes alone I'll ever see.

Grant me a magnet grace attraction

To ever, always rejoice in Thee.

Hope in your eyes, love in your heart.

Clinging to you may we never part.

~By Elsie

Oh the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus, 

Vast unmeasured, boundless, free!

Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me!

Underneath me, all around me, is the current Of Thy love 

Leading onward, leading homeward to Thy glorious rest above!  

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus, 

Spread His praise from shore to shore! 

How He loveth, ever loveth, changeth never, nevermore! 

How He watches o'er His loved ones, died to call them all His own how for them 

He intercedeth, watcheth o'er them from the throne! 

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus, 

'Tis a heav'n of heav'ns to me 

And it lifts me up to glory, for it lifts me up to Thee!

A Spinster?!

I have put off posting the following for several months. I don't really know why, perhaps I feared that some who read it may take it the wrong way, but some of those to whom I have verbally explained this have taken it the wrong way as well, so I guess a few more won't hurt. ;) As many of you know, I spent this past summer in Africa. While there I fully expected the Lord to confirm in my heart and mind His call upon my life concerning foreign missions. He did as I expected. He also exercised another call upon my life that was wholly unexpected and, I regret to say, unwelcome (at first). The change of heart I experienced as I have come to accept this call is a testimony of God's amazing grace in my life, and it is simply to the glory of my God that I share this testimony.

During routine morning devotions in the African bush I was reading in I Corinthians chapter 7, and this is what I read:

Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.

I want you to be The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

Immediately after completing the chapter, feeling the conviction of the Holy Spirt in my heart I turned to the verses that speak of marriage as a good thing. As it says in verse 6, each has his gift of God, and I was sure that my gift was and would be marriage. All of my life it has been my greatest dream to one day raise a family of my own, just as my parents have raised their family. It never before had crossed my mind that I would not experience that pleasure. But here it was, staring me in the face, the possibility that I might end up a spinster, at the will of God no less!

What to do? What could I do? Technically, I could do nothing, it was the conviction of the Holy Spirit after all, but I tried, I tried desperately. (Note: Do not try this at home.) I blatantly ignored the clear and powerful voice of God, and I speak this to my shame. After about three days of that, I was a wreck. Sullen, discouraged, negative, snappy to my teammates, mumbling toward my leaders, wishing that I could spend my days alone, and craving a decent night's sleep. I was assigned to the second hour of prayer closet that day, and after praying for everything else I could think of I was stuck. Me and God in the middle of Africa. Actually, let me correct that, rebellious me, and God, in the middle of Africa.

Within half an hour I had given it up. I should have known God would get His way, that happens to be why we call Him God. I didn't like the agreement we had just made, but I was going to have to live with it, or I would never get a good night's sleep again! Over the next few days, as the Spirit continued to work, I began to see the strange beauty of His calling. Don't get me wrong, it was still the most painful thing I had ever experienced, but I was beginning to see the beauty beyond the pain.

The pain isn't all gone yet. I don't think it will ever completely disappear, as I am learning that pain seems to be a natural part of obeying the Lord. I still have questions, like, "Is this forever? Or just until I fully accept it? Then will You free me from this call?" I have been praying for increased grace to leave the questions, and their answers, to Him, and to accept what He has given to me and revealed to me at this time, knowing that it is the best. It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, especially considering that some of the people closest to me have refused to believe that God has really called me to singleness, and make it even more difficult to trust in His sovereignty. Others though, have supported me and encouraged me, and for them I am so grateful.

Each day is still the struggle that each of us know as 'taking up our cross.' For myself, my cross has been extra heavy and cumbersome lately, but each day as I press on in taking up that cross it becomes increasingly easier to bear. For now, and always, I rest in the strong and sure arms of my Saviour, the only One in whom I find true fulfillment, and the only One to whom I ever want to look for that fulfillment. As you bear your cross, whatever it may be at present, may you too look to Jesus and find all the strength you need to be sustained.

Will I Ever Get It Right?

I don't know... it seems that every time I turn around I am faced with another one of my flaws, something else that needs to be fixed. Examining oneself in the light of Scripture can be a most depressing exercise. My only hope is that it will mark the beginning of a new measure of God's grace in my life changing me into the image of Christ. Oh, Lord! I will never, ever get it right! But You did! You got it right as you hung from a cross, Your face marred by thorns, Your hands and feet marred by nails, Your heart marred by my sin. You got it right, and that fact alone keeps me from sinking into a pit of despair as I am faced with the wretchedness of myself. I beg You for Your grace, make me more like You. Search me and know me, see if there be any wicked way in me. Even though the pain of those wicked places when they are discovered seems unbearable search them out, purge them, and lead me in the way everlasting. I will never get it right, and so in Your grace alone I stand.

Numbers 27:5

Yesterday I had no words, until I turned to the ultimate Word to be refreshed.

"Moses brought their case before the Lord." -Numbers 27:5

Notice that Moses did not delay in bringing the case of the Israelites before the Lord. He did not seek the advice of his brother Aaron, or of his wife, or the leaders of the twelve tribes. He brought the case directly and immediately before the Lord. There was a problem, and the Lord had not yet instructed Moses concerning this situation. He knew that the Lord alone could advise him. How often do we turn to family or friends for relief, for advice, or for approval before kneeling before the throne of God with His Word before us and His Spirit moving within? Too often the Word is our last resort, instead of our first stronghold. If a pipe in your home was leaking you would not first seek your mother's help, or the assistance of your best friend, but you would call on the plumber whom you know can repair the ailing pipe. It is the same with our Saviour. He alone who knows our every need ought to be the one whom we seek at the first sign of trial or hardship. He ought to be the first one we thank when we see blessings shower us, and He ought to be the one that ascribe glory to when a victory is won in our lives.

Why seek the fallible when the infallible is within your reach? Why call on a mortal man when the immortal God is standing by, eager to hear your request? Why pine after the finite advice of man when the infinite Word of God dwells in your heart through the miracle of the resurrection? Run after your God, dear Christian! Seek Him alone with all of thine heart. Do not look for answers, or for pleasure in the bosom of any but Him, for you shall not find it. He has already promised to supply your every need. Have you received such a promise from any other? Than bring not your case before them, but before Him who has promised.

New Name

I have a difficult time accepting changes in my life. I was a lot like Peter Pan growing up, I longed for Neverland where I could remain a child forever. I must warn you that changes do not become easier as time goes on; they will always be difficult, but by the grace of our Lord and Saviour these changes can grow us into His image. I am constantly learning new things. As I search God's Word each day He is changing me, whether I like it or not.

In the nearly three months that have passed since I returned from Africa I have been transformed, and it was high time this blog reflected that transformation. On my journey this summer I received a new name, one of the most dramatic changes that could ever take place in a person's life. My identity was changed as the Lord revealed to me His purpose for my life. I am no longer Elsie the Dancer, or Elsie the Writer, or even Elsie the Christian. I have been enlisted, and have now become Elsie the Soldier of Christ. In 2 Timothy 2:1-4 it says:

"You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him."

This is the theme verse of my blog that has now received a new name, Strengthened By His Grace. Only by the grace of my Lord Jesus will I succeed as a Soldier of Christ as I strive to share what I have heard of His salvation with those who never have. Changes are hard, and my childhood dreams of living in Neverland have not quite dissipated, but I am excited about my new name and my new identity as it is Strengthened by His Grace.

My Heart is so Proud...

Just a few minutes ago my Mom told me that she wouldn't be able to take me to speech club tonight because of certain circumstances that would make it difficult for her. The instant she began to say so I determined to accept in stoic silence, to not be upset, and to go with the flow. As soon as I determined that, I blew it. My heart hardened to her explanation and her apology, I didn't hear a word of it, nor did I want to. A minute after she had left here I am, typing with tears streaming down my face at my utter sinfulness, my absolute inability to do any good thing.

This song by Laura Story is the lament of my broken heart right now, and I wish it was more often the cry of my decrepit flesh.

My heart is so proud.

My mind is so unfocused.

I see the things you do for me

as great things I have done.

And now you gently break me

and lovingly you take me

and hold me as my Father

and mold me as my Maker.

I ask you, "How many times will you pick me up,

when I keep on letting you down?

And each time I will fall short of your glory,

how far will forgiveness abound?"

And you answer, "My Child, I love you,

and as long as you're seeking my face

you'll walk in the power of my daily sufficient grace."

At times I may grow weak

and feel a bit discouraged.

Knowing that someone, somewhere

could do a better job.

But who am I to serve You?

I know I don't deserve You.

But that's the part that burns in my heart,

and keeps me hanging on.

I ask you, "How many times will you pick me up,

when I keep on letting you down?

And each time I will fall short of your glory,

how far will forgiveness abound?"

And you answer, "My Child, I love you,

and as long as you're seeking my face

you'll walk in the power of my daily sufficient grace."

You are so patient with me Lord.

As I walk with You I'm learning

what Your grace really means.

The price that I could never pay

was paid on Calvary.

So instead of trying repay You

I'm learning to simply obey You.

By giving up my life to You

for all that You've given to me.

I ask you, "How many times will you pick me up,

when I keep on letting you down?

And each time I will fall short of your glory,

how far will forgiveness abound?"

And you answer, "My Child, I love you,

and as long as you're seeking my face

you'll walk in the power of my daily sufficient grace."

On Youtube: Grace

2000 Years

I have recently been listening to the song 2000 Years by Travis Cottrell, and am working on choreographing a dance to it. It is absolutely beautiful, and the lyrics speak volumes. Enjoy!

If I could see 2000 years years ago

Travel back in time

and walk in the

day when just one man

turned this world upside down.

If I could be a guest

at the wedding, and

taste the wine

that was water moments before

would I realize

what was really in store

That there would be so much more.

Would I fall down and worship?

Leave all that I treasured behind?

For a chance to be closer

to the man who might

be the one who saves my life?

If I hear his voice

call to Lazarus

stand and stare

as my friend

stumbles out of the tomb

witness blind men see

their first morning sky

would I believe

what he says to be true?

If I was there the night

soldiers took him away

would I flee the scene

like most of his friends

then watch on the cross

what I thought was the end

what would I do then?

Would I fall down and worship?

Leave all that I treasured behind?

For a chance to be closer

to the man who might

be the one who saves my life?

And what would it be like

after three days gone by

would I believe what they said

or want to see with my own eyes

Put my hand on the scars

only then realize

My Lord, my God, alive.

Would I fall down and worship?

Leave all that I treasured behind?

For a chance to be closer

cause he's still alive

and the One who saves my life.